Mind Your Manners

It is perhaps no surprise that good manners have come to form a core national characteristic in a land where 127 million people live huddled together in the few open plains that exist in a relatively small, and highly mountainous, island chain. On the surface at least, the Japanese surely have to be amongst the politest people in the world. Visit any Japanese supermarket, convenience store or restaurant and be prepared for such an onslaught of courtesy, that you would be forgiven for thinking that that you had been mistaken for Prince Rainier of Monaco. When I first arrived in Japan I couldn't help but piss myself with laughter every time I went to fill up my car with fuel. The send off I received from the petrol station staff, who all lined up to bow farewell to me and scream “arigato!” until their larynxes took early retirement, seemed more appropriate for the launching of a ship on its maiden voyage, but I was just driving off to buy a loaf of bread.

JETs generally find that politeness plays a larger part in the culture and language of Japan, compared to in their home country. Take for example the fact that Japanese verbs conjugate differently depending on the level of politeness inferred. For example, the Japanese word for 'eat' would be 'taberu' if I was speaking to a friend, 'tabemasu' if I was being reasonably polite and 'omeshiagari ni narimasu' if I was speaking to someone especially important, god, or just kissing arse a bit. Generally speaking, learners of Japanese will start out by learning the 'masu' forms of verbs, which is the fairly polite form of the verb. There are several reason why starting with this verb form is useful, but it does have some particular drawbacks for ALTs like myself. The main problem is that while using the 'masu' form of verbs is fine when addressing teachers, it would rarely be used by a Japanese person in casual situations or when speaking to children. However, as many new comers to the language haven't yet learned the plain form of the verb, they are forced to communicate in the same unusually polite manner with everyone they meet. This can quickly become rather frustrating, especially early in the learning curve, when you are just starting to muster enough of a command of the language to communicate with your students, only for them all to start giggling at you because you continually address them in an inexplicably polite manner.

For foreigners the most commonly encountered manifestations of Japanese politeness can sometimes be the most irritating. First of all there are the “oohs” and “ahhs” that you, as a gaijin (lit. outsider), will almost certainly receive if you manage to so much as pick up chopsticks, never mind use them competently. Then there is the curious Japanese custom whereby foreigners are congratulated on their marvelous Japanese language abilities, even if the words uttered were painfully rudimentary – my record so far is when I was congratulated on my Japanese abilities for simply saying “konbanwa” (good evening).

Of course all this is not to say that Japanese people are always polite. For some unusual reason the Japanese seem to be painfully blunt when it comes to any kind of comment about body shape or general appearance. “You're looking fat today Ewen, you should try and lose some weight” is just one example of the friendly banter I have with one of my co-workers in the office. At first it is difficult not to take offense from such statements, but you have to appreciate there is rarely any malice intended. Indeed, such bluntness may at times result in an inadvertent compliment. One friend of mine, while on visits to the onsen (hot springs), has, on repeated occasions, received open remarks about the size of his manhood from surprised Japanese .

When I first came to Japan I think I found the levels of politeness here somewhat overwhelming, as well as sensing that the practice was so insitutionalised that sincerity was frequently absent. Yet there is something I have came to admire about the Japanese respect for civility, even if it does often ring hollow in its superficiality. Given what must surely be among the world's lowest crime figures, it seems evident that the nation's heavy emphasis on courtesy has contributed towards fostering the strong sense of mutual respect – on the surface at least – that appears to exist in Japan. If only they could just work out a Japanese equivalent for 'big boned'.